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I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.