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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
Home is where the pants aren’t.