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I just called. To say. I texted you.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.