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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.