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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!