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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..