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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted