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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.