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I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.