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I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.