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So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?