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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"