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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?