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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you