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I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
I was told there would be kool-aid.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.