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I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.