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Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.