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Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her