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I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I`m eating pizza alone.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.