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Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
Long story short, I love summaries
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
My Kid: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What`s wrong with the one we live in? My Kid: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.