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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!