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Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?