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I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!