Daily Silly Status

Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.

Will be drunk until further notice.

Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."

A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.

I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.

The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.

Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.

A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!

It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.

I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."

There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..

I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.

I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.

I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"

I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.