Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now accepting applications for partners in crime. Please read all fine print:adult language and partial nudity may be required.
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.