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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.