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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
Leave a comment if you`ve started drinking. Hit the `Like` button if you`re already sh!tfaced. *Cheers*