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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
My memory foam has amnesia
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.