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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.