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Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.