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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.