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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!