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"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
People: What a bunch of bastards!
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights