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Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.