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Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
Match dot com, but for socks.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.