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If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.