Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.