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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don`t give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.