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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.