Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.