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"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.