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Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.