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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.