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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
People assume Iām smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs