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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!
drinks well with others.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.