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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
is available for rebound sex.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you “I’m drunk” is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying “I’m delicious”