Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.