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Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.