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How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*