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I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?