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I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....