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How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.