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Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.