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I don`t care about your status...
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?