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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....