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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.