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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3 hours.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science