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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.