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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
Haters are my motivators(:
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.