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i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.