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Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.
Pillow forts have no age limit when you’re awesome.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....