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"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.