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Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.