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How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
Born free. Now, Iām expensive.
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.