Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
I hate waking up all hungover, eyebrow shaved, and a d!ck drawn on my face ... Especially since I was drinking alone last night.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
Sorry, I can`t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.