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I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.