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I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
How long does it take to get obsessed?