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The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
Ordering a water with lemon says āIām too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.ā
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)